A Balanced Relationship

My initial frame of reference for a relationship was not a balanced one.  The role I played in my family of origin was one of care taker and peace maker.

After rebelling against this as a teenager, I fully embraced it as an adult and repeated the pattern many, many times.  But as my awareness grew, my choices for relationships improved because I started to develop my fairness guide.

This guide is about stepping back and analyzing the big picture (not just the day-to-day activities) to make an evaluation on fairness and balance in the relationship.  When considering an adult relationship, it is important overall to invest the same amount of work as the other person to achieve balance, and this can always be accomplished by contributing more or less effort.

Love Those Differences!

Since I've gained inner peace, I started noticing why things used to bother me.  One of the big challenges was my family because I'm so different.

Family reunions used to be so hard for me.  I always felt like an outcast, but my last one this month was fantastic!

I truly enjoyed learning about everyone and not feeling threatened by their differences.  These obvious differences used to make me feel judged and question my sanity.

Now that I have inner peace, I feel confident, accepting and relaxed.  So when differences arise and people are surprised or uncomfortable with my responses, it doesn't bother me at all and I can enjoy the experiences.

Who Runs the Show?

Many people, myself included, have found themselves in undesirable situations and wondered how they got there.  Our minds are like computers, when they work the way we want, it is wonderful, but when they do not; it can be a mess!

Everyone receives programing from the surroundings as soon as the senses start working and the brain can process the information, which then begins our unconscious.   This automatic integration of data into the mind is the most prevalent during childhood because of the brain waves children use the most.

Once we become adults, our unconscious part of our mind is about 95% with conscious at only 5%.  This "unconscious partner" is usually the one making the decisions; but when a problem occurs, it is our conscious part that wonders what happened!