New Year's Resolution

Thank you, Lord, for the gifts of my spiritual existence, physical life and free will.

Please help me to open my mind and heart, so I truly fulfill these gifts for the benefit of all.

As a servant of Jesus, I pray.

Amen

Gift of Free Advice

Reduce worry by calling or emailing for a Free Gift of Advice for the Holidays until January 3, 2011.

Worrying is a common habit and could even be an addiction with some people if it leads to illness.

Stress management experts say that only 2% of the average person’s worrying time is spent on things that might be helped by obsessing over the issue until a decision or resolution occurs.

The other 98% of the times is wasted as follows:

40% on things that never happen

35% on things that cannot be changed

15% on things that turn out better than expected

8% on useless, petty issues

HAPPY & PEACEFUL HOLIDAYS!!

Spiritual Empowerment

Spirituality occurs when the human spirit connects with The Creator, and people are aware of this experience through and through from their toes to the top of their head, on a conscious, unconscious and subconscious level. All children begin as spiritual beings, and they can feel this connection with God their whole lives if it is not interrupted.

By 17 years old, I felt spiritually dead and suicidal because my physical world became the dark shadow separating me from God. My over 30-year journey for truth and happiness brought me full circle back to where I started spiritually as a child.

I now have the confidence, self-empowerment, inner peace and tranquility that can be everyone’s possible reality when spirituality is developed.

If you want to know more, I am offering FREE ADVICE for the holidays by phone or email (618-917-5974 or sw@tranquilhearts.com) until Jan. 3, 2011.

Forgiveness is Freedom

Forgive others and yourself, so transgressions do not become your poison.

To forgive does not mean to condone, but to free yourself from the pain through acceptance and unattachment.

HOLIDAY STRESS REDUCTION

1. Prepare for stress now by storing up tranquility with relaxation techniques that clear the mind and create a physical calmness, like prayer, meditation, exercise, etc. If you need more time to do this, give up something unnecessary, like worrying, watching T.V., playing video games, etc.



2. Prioritize what must be done and eliminate anything that falls at the bottom. Always put “down” time at the top to stay relaxed because this creates clear thinking for good decisions.



3. Think about what experiences you want but be realistic on your limitations. Placing boundaries and thinking creatively are much more advantageous than trying to control with anger or manipulation.



4. Keep your expectations low, so disappointments stay low, too. Know and accept people how they really are and don’t assume they will be more cooperative for the holidays.



5. Need help with specific situations? Call or email me (618-917-5874 or sw@tranquilhearts.com) for FREE holiday advice from December 3, 2010 until January 3, 2011.

Experiment with this adventure called life and have fun! Happy Holidays!

What is Mindful Eating?

To understand mindful eating, first you need to understand mindless eating.

The definition of mindless is to act without concern for consequences.  Mindless eating is a term Brian Wansink of Cornell University and author of Mindless Eating defined for reference of eating triggered by cues other than hunger.  Mindless eating could be therefore defined as eating without concern for consequences related to cues other than hunger.

A study published in 2009 estimated an average of 66 days to form a new habit but it could take anywhere from 18 to 254 days.  Drinking a daily glass of water became a habit very quickly but doing 50 sit-ups before breakfast required more perseverance.  Some may be more resistant to changing habits than others. It may take a person who wants to develop a relatively simple habit over two months of daily repetitions before the behavior becomes a habit. 

The first step to changing habits is to identify the behaviors that lead to mindless eating. 

They are many reasons for mindless eating, from internal to external cues.  Some examples of internal cues are

• stress


• anxious


• lonely


• bored


• depressed


• tired

Some examples of external cues are:

• watching TV


• social situations such as




• parties or holidays


• don’t stop eating until your plate is cleared


• or someone else is encouraging you to eat.

The next step is to recognize the cues causing you to eat mindlessly.
They may be ones mentioned above or for other reasons.  

1. Pick one or two habits that trigger mindless eating.


2.  Write down the behavior you want to change and the more desirable replacement behavior.


3. Post it in a highly visible location. 

After you have accomplished new habits to healthier behavior, you will be ready to make new goals until your eating habits are mostly mindful eating.   

Remember to be patient with yourself because new habits take time to form.

Guest post written by Andrea Wilhoit R.D., L.D.

What is Spirituality?

Finding The Truth and knowing This is God.

Spirituality develops from a close partnership with The Creator.

What is Enlightenment?

As the darkness leaves our minds, the light will enter.
Enlightenment comes through a continuous building of awareness.

The Tranquil Hearts Program provides the skills to reduce the night and gain more day.

My Ideal Life

When, I missed my opportunity for a vacation this year, I really did not mind. I realized that I already felt relaxed because I am living my ideal life.

My life is about having a career I love, continuing my personal growth and enjoying the company of people I love. Even when I have problems, they are an easy fix as long as I am realistic about the situation, keep in mind the experience I want and stay true to myself.

Tuesday for example, I got up in the morning at 7 a.m. and ate breakfast, went to get a contract notarized for my daughter and then came home to walk my dogs around the lake and through the woods. Next, I went to my Tai Chi class and afterwards, met my boyfriend at the gym for a swim in the pool.

In the afternoon, I ate lunch with my boyfriend at Subway and then came home to repot my plants, pick the last vegetables out of the garden and work on my business. My evening consisted of a quick supper, reading a great book, meditation and prayer.

Of course my days vary, but I always try to make choices on what experiences I want and balance the needs of my mind, body and spirit. After all, the purpose of physical life is to learn and love, which includes being good to myself.

Seeking Visionaries

My business has provided me with the opportunity to meet and help some wonderful people that have enriched my life greatly with their beliefs and ideas. I would classify all of these people as visionaries because they search for the knowledge to improve their lives (as in the big picture) and not just solve a problem.

Visionaries are creative thinkers that recognize the benefits of an open mind and facilitating change to obtain their dreams. These people work hard and utilize self-discipline to become the amazing individuals they were born to be.

It has been such a joy working with these people that I am always seeking more visionaries to teach. Individuals that want to gain life-long applicable skills for happiness, confidence, peace and health.

Are We Compatible?

Relationship compatibility questions come up pretty often with people, and no wonder considering the divorce rate. Problems can occur when choices are based on the subconscious desire to seek out the familiar relationship pattern learned from influential, childhood authority figures.

If the relationships were beneficial and enjoyable with these authority figures, any future attachments would be wonderful, too. However, people often have compatibility problems with them and a desire to resolve these issues, so they attempt to change the past by selecting the same type of dissimilar people for partners – and the conflict continues.

However, this situation will improve once people recognize that differences can be good and quit repeating their childhood role. As adults, people can stop reacting and start thinking before responding to a comment or situation.

Successful relationships require excellent communication, and with the greater the differences between the couple, the greater the work this is to obtain. When striving for understanding, it can be effectively accomplished with role reversal.

Role reversal is pretending to be the other person and calmly explaining his or her view for clarification, which means NO sarcasm, judgments, insults, etc. Another method is to strive for discernment by asking and answering information-gathering questions for insight and acceptance.

Along with communication, people must have a foundation upon which to build their relationship. The basis for this support is mutual acceptance, respect and values because people need to not only love each other but like each other, as well.

Tranquil Hearts Origin

This business started because I wanted to share the fast, simple methods for changing beliefs that took me over 30 years to learn. However, what to call my business?

After I had removed enough negative beliefs and expanded my perceptions to include a personal relationship with God, I learned that The Lord has an interesting opinion. God told me to use the word tranquility and tranquil for my business.

Oh no, not a word that is difficult to pronounce and not in common use! This did not sound like good marketing. So, I asked, "Why?"

God said, "Because there's not enough peace in the world." Well, that made sense to me.

Grow Old and Stay Healthy

The older I get, the more I hear about health problems from my peers, but I have nothing to contribute. I have not been sick in two years and do not have the "normal" back problems, arthritis, headaches, PMS, asthma, allergies, etc.

From my own experiences, I recognized years ago that stress causes illness. Discovering that the American Medical Association acknowledged 70% of illness caused by stress was a wonderful validation.

The first 30 years I had lots of stress health problems like the ones above plus, but as I gained peace by resolving my inner conflicts and ate to build my immune system, the healthier I became. At 51 years old, I feel great but my very best is yet ahead!

Do You Need to Change?

Considering that 93-97% of us are raised in dysfunctional families, most of us have unbeneficial programming. The Tranquil Hearts Program is about learning skills to change this thinking and gain inner peace.

The American Medical Association says that stress causes about 70% of all illness. Psychology supports this depressing statistic with its own conclusion that 70% of people's thoughts are negative.

What would your life be like if 70% of your thinking was beneficial? Happier? Healthier? Clearer? Easier?

Go against the norm! Change your dysfunctional thinking and gain inner peace.

All the Answers

This poem is printed with permission from Dee Ann Barton, Tranquil Hearts Program Graduate.

All the Answers

I've been there before, I know that I have.
Within myself and back out again.

Looking for answers within my soul.
Answers to questions that only I know.

I know that the answers are all right there.
Just accepting the reality is hard to bare:
Life, it just isn't fair.

Especially when we feel others just sit and stare.

It hurts sometimes, and I might cry.
But now I’ve got the answers as to why.

No matter if I like them or not,
I try, and deal with what I got.

Tomorrow is another day I have to stand and say.
With all my pride and all my might.

I must live to fight for the good life.
After all, the answers are always there.

Just waiting patiently within ourselves.

But if we cannot find them there.
Then always look within the face of a friend.

For as we may or may not be aware.
Sometimes the answers might just be hidden there.

So at the end we can and all must win.
Over all of our personal demons within.

So what does all this mean?

At the end of our days, we should, could, and will be ready to face another day.
Most definitely in each and everyone of our own way!

Good from Bad

Whenever a storm hits, I always search for the rainbow because life is a mix of both good and bad. I gained many wonderful benefits from my Father's illness, like an opportunity to study the medical system, a greater appreciation for the body's ability to heal, interesting information on how the brain works, etc.

I gained this new insight on brain functioning from this wonderful book recommend by a Respiratory Therapist named Larry at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. Out of all I read, this book,"My Stroke of Insight," by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., provided the best information on what my Father was experiencing from his stroke.

This book explains clearly from both a medical and personal experience what a stroke involves. When Ms. Taylor had her stroke at 37, she worked at Harvard Medical School as a Brain Scientist performing research and teaching.

The great information Ms. Taylor provides in her book comes from both her medical and personal knowledge on how the body reacts and recovers from a stroke. It is interesting on how this data sometimes conflicts with the medical system.

In her book, I especially found it interesting on how the two hemispheres of the brain function. I know that the methods I follow stops the unbeneficial programming and when this happens, it opens up inner peace, but what I did not know was that the critical, unhelpful beliefs came from the left side and the peaceful, spiritual ones from the right hemisphere.

The human body is both amazing and mysterious. Any opportunity to discover and learn more is always a blessing.



To learn more about Dr. Jill, her work and experiences, you can visit her site at www.mystrokeofinsight.com

Life Can Change Fast

No matter what the age in my family, we don't talk about illness much because we are all so active and healthy. However, this changed on Aug. 6 for my 82-year-old Father. After he took his usual walk around the lake, ate breakfast and sat down to discuss plans for the day, he had a massive stroke and was in the ICU at Barnes before lunch.

My Father, Keith Wright, loves his life. He has a beautiful partnership with his soul mate and wife, Dorothy, flies his own plane, active in the VFW and community, has many interests and lots of family and friends that love him. It was very heart-warming at his 80th Birthday Party when many of his friends told me how Dad had helped them.

Not wanting to miss my Father's last days on Earth, I placed my life on hold and entered his world in the hospital. What a difficult place. I have met so many strong, caring people working together to provide the best for their patients!

This trip with Dad has been quite a roller coaster ride between life and death with other life threatening issues besides the stroke developing and then disappearing. During this up and down experience, Dad strongly stated he wanted to die, but instead he has slowly been getting better. When I asked why, he said that God told him, "No."

With the eminent danger gone, I am returning to my business while still participating in his rehabilitation. It is very interesting on how rehab therapists use electrical stimulation of the muscles to start them working again. Dad says that it's painful but there's no denying the great results and hopefully this will get him back on his feet quickly.

A Simpler Life

My collection of material possessions hit its peak when I lived in my average three bedroom home in the suburbs. Over the course of about forty years, I had accumulated enough things to fill closets, basement and garage.

After complaining about not enough time in my life, a friend told me that I did not own my stuff; it owned me. I thought about all the dusting, packing, storing, moving, etc. that my things required.

Down sizing made sense to me, so I created three categories. The new things I gave as gifts, used ones I sold in garage sales or donated to charities and other people's stuff went back to them.

Spaciousness and more time was my reward.

Meeting Susan

My relationship with Susan began over email and phone calls. One of the good but sometimes strange things about working online is that often, there are times where you never meet your client in person. As a web designer, I’ve worked on several projects and had very successful working relationships with people I’ve never met. So when I do get to finally meet someone, it’s always exciting – you never know exactly how things will go but always hope for the best.

I got a chance to first meet Susan in person when she invited me to a health and wellness fair she was attending. I was surprised at how crowded the fair was as I scanned for her booth but I recognized her immediately and went over to say hello.

My first impression was how relaxed and calm Susan was. In this storm of noise and an extremely crowded isle, she seemed completely at ease. Unfortunately, I was not; wrestling with a stroller, a bored toddler and not really enjoying how cramped the space was, I was thrilled to meet but could only speak briefly so we decided to get together later when we would both be “off duty”.

Meeting Susan for the second time, I noticed even more; there is a real calm and warm serenity around Susan that draws you in and instantly sets you at ease. Kind, honest, relaxed and so easy to talk to, she truly listens – a skill I appreciate so much and sometimes I think a lost art form in itself!

As our relationship has changed and grown from client to friend, Susan can always help me put things in perspective, feel more confident and just overall better about any situation with simple truths, compassion and wisdom. That is truly her gift and I'm truly thankful for her.



Anna Mahler is a freelance web designer at Pinup Designs. She writes about her insights, experiences and knowledge in the world of freelance and web design at www.pinupdesigns.net/pinupblog. You can also follow her on Twitter at @AnnasPinup

Living in Harmony

All major religions, like Buddhism, Christianity, Confucianism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism and Taoism, have teachings about how we should all live in harmony. However, all these religions have also been twisted into a means for violence and profit.

Does this make religion horrible or just the people that manipulate it? To stop this, it is so important that we all learn to think for ourselves and not just follow religious teachings blindly.

No matter what someone says, no one is perfect, and all religions are full of imperfect people just like everywhere else. So people should not expect or seek perfection, but focus on the core beliefs that run through all major religions of love, acceptance, balance and harmony to find the truth.

Do What You Love

For most of my life, I have worked at jobs that I did not enjoy. My unconscious, career programming said that I needed to work for survival and nothing more, but the conscious me protested.

The path to a happy career begins in childhood when authority figures help develop the innate talents that will lead to a rewarding life. However, if these talents were not uncovered and encouraged in childhood, there is always time to start now.

Think about what is so enjoyable that it is impossible to stop doing it, like it is part of you. Sometimes respected others or even strangers can help identify these unique abilities.

Our talents are part of the gifts that God has given to each one and the key to our destiny. When following our destiny, we are in harmony with the world and life becomes easier.

Making Time To Live

Many years ago, my life used to be so busy that I didn't have time to eat three meals, get enough sleep or even bath regularly. I was pulled in so many directions that it seemed I just moved in a daze from one task to another with no time to think.

Then I discovered a wonderful time management exercise. Make a list over the course of a week on what you do every hour of every day. Now take these items and prioritize them with the important stuff at the top and the least important at the bottom.

What I learned about my life was that I spent about 30 hours every week doing things I did not need to do (like responding to other people's demands), so I cut this off the bottom of my list. Then I had time to relax, take care of myself and work on my personal growth.

Now Hosting Tranquility Parties!

Reduce Stress - Create More Energy - Free Up Time!

Have a Tranquility Party!



Invite Your Friends and Relax - Party in the Comfort of Your Own Home

Learn Stress Relief @ $10 Per Person

*Free Services for Party Hostess/Host

*For hosting a party: must be located in the MO/IL St. Louis Metro Area and have a minimum of three people. To obtain a free ½ hour of individual services, there must be eight or more people in attendance.

Schedule An Appointment Today!

Contact Susan Wright at info@tranquilhearts.com
or call 314-406-2701 or 618-917-5874

www.tranquilhearts.com

A Balanced Relationship

My initial frame of reference for a relationship was not a balanced one.  The role I played in my family of origin was one of care taker and peace maker.

After rebelling against this as a teenager, I fully embraced it as an adult and repeated the pattern many, many times.  But as my awareness grew, my choices for relationships improved because I started to develop my fairness guide.

This guide is about stepping back and analyzing the big picture (not just the day-to-day activities) to make an evaluation on fairness and balance in the relationship.  When considering an adult relationship, it is important overall to invest the same amount of work as the other person to achieve balance, and this can always be accomplished by contributing more or less effort.

Love Those Differences!

Since I've gained inner peace, I started noticing why things used to bother me.  One of the big challenges was my family because I'm so different.

Family reunions used to be so hard for me.  I always felt like an outcast, but my last one this month was fantastic!

I truly enjoyed learning about everyone and not feeling threatened by their differences.  These obvious differences used to make me feel judged and question my sanity.

Now that I have inner peace, I feel confident, accepting and relaxed.  So when differences arise and people are surprised or uncomfortable with my responses, it doesn't bother me at all and I can enjoy the experiences.

Who Runs the Show?

Many people, myself included, have found themselves in undesirable situations and wondered how they got there.  Our minds are like computers, when they work the way we want, it is wonderful, but when they do not; it can be a mess!

Everyone receives programing from the surroundings as soon as the senses start working and the brain can process the information, which then begins our unconscious.   This automatic integration of data into the mind is the most prevalent during childhood because of the brain waves children use the most.

Once we become adults, our unconscious part of our mind is about 95% with conscious at only 5%.  This "unconscious partner" is usually the one making the decisions; but when a problem occurs, it is our conscious part that wonders what happened!

Real Success

The world we live in defines success by an economic level based on the theory that this acquisition of money, things and comfort will create happiness. All of my life, I have searched for happiness through both external and internal experiments.

While materialistic societies can give a good argument, I discovered that the journey to real happiness actually becomes an internal success story, not rags to riches but fear and anger to love and peace.

Change: Easy or Difficult?

After my 30 years of searching, I discovered that the process of changing my thinking was easy.  The difficult part was deciding what beliefs to eliminate and what replacement thoughts to use instead.

Just like writing a story, painting a picture or decorating a house, I started with getting in touch with my feelings.  Being aware of emotions and asking "is this really me, who do I want to be and why do I feel this way" led me to create my real-me foundation.

The sorting and sifting of the "who I was born to be" from the "what others said I should be" information can be time consuming and difficult, too, depending on the unbeneficial amount.  But whether it is easy or difficult, the happiness is well worth the effort!

The Three Keys for Changing Your Thinking

1) Always replace unhelpful beliefs with beneficial, realistic ones that connect with the original thoughts you want to change.

2) Tell yourself to turn on the switch by making a conscientious decision to change.

3) Repeat new thoughts often enough (20-60xs a day) to create the change you want.

Joys of Parenting

One of the wonderful joys from parenting was how much I learned from my child.  In any good relationship, learning flows both ways.

Since children are born into this world with unique temperaments, personalities, likes, dislikes and talents, they will have their own opinions, comments and questions about everything.  This exploration of their world enables us, as parents, to also see it with new eyes.

This fresh look at life made me feel so excited!  Enjoy this time while it lasts because very quickly children are off to school for adjusting to society's standards, and this innocence will soon disappear.

Finding What We Know

Gathering information that expanded my perception of the world and challenged the negative beliefs that ruled my unhappy life was difficult for me to find.  I wanted it to be beneficial and useful, not just weird and exotic.

One way of doing this is checking out what others have found to be the truth for themselves.  This can be accomplished through lots of different mediums but a favorite of mine developed when independent films started to flourish from the advances in technology.

It can be educational and fun to watch a fictional flick, but to really learn a lot about a subject, documentaries are the best.  Since my favorite subjects have been science, spirituality and psychology (which accumulated in college as my degree in Liberal Studies), a must-see film that brings these subjects together in an entertaining, enlightening adventure is What the Bleep Do We Know? that was developed by William Arntz.

A New Life

Spring is the season for growth and change.  People have the potential to change and grow so much that completely new lives can be created.

There has been many times in my life that I have done just that; through moving, marriages, new careers, different hair colors or wardrobes, etc.  Random change was helpful by showing me what does not work but what I needed was purposeful change.

This world offers so many different ways a person can discover his or herself.  One of the ways I do this is through meaningful, inspirational music and my favorite is singer/songwriter Adrianna Larkin.  Her latest CD, Sacred Fire, is about change and exploring the inner self.

Uniting Our Mind and Body

Science and religion have been separated ever since the Church killed scientists because their discoveries did not agree with the religious beliefs.  This division even extended into how we feel about our own bodies, as in the separation of mind and body.

We go to doctors for checkups because our minds do not know when something is wrong with our bodies.  Is this true?  Or is this a subjective belief that we been taught?

No matter how many centuries a belief has been practiced, it is never too late to reconsider and throw it out. For help in changing this thinking and uniting science with spirituality once again, my favorite book is Biology of Belief by Bruce H. Lipton, PH.D.

God's Great Love

God loves us so much that He will not take away His gift of free will to save us from ourselves. We must make our own choices for change to improve our lives.

His purpose for us is to grow as beings and learn how to love. He does not view suffering as bad, but a very good thing that gives a person the opportunity for learning and redemption.

This world is full of pain and struggle because if we do not have the bad, well,  we would not recognize the good. But more importantly, suffering can cause great insight and personal growth.

But when people get their own way, they usually become entitled and selfish, not more loving. Real Love is what Jesus said about "Loving your neighbor as yourself and loving your enemies."

Frequently Asked Questions Continued - How do I start?

The first session can begin by proposing options on any current difficulties and to gently discuss the unbeneficial opinions that surface to demonstrate examples. This is the process I call Reality Checking. Then I hand out the information concerning this method and discuss it.

The next step is the first exercise needed, which is usually to identify unbeneficial beliefs and apply the best method(s) to change them. Here, too, we discuss examples on how to formulate beneficial beliefs from ones that are not.

These methods are self-empowering because once you learn them; you always have the skills to combat the many difficulties that occur in life. This will reduce stress and bring tranquility as these are applied.

Working on Inner Peace - Frequently Asked Questions

How long will this take?

This depends on your goal, the amount of effort invested and how conducive your environment is for learning. To learn a method could take from ½-1 hour and then lots of practice on your behalf.

The harder part is not the learning but the implementation of it, which requires lots of repeating a beneficial thought for changing from maybe 20-60 times a day. This might be needed from a few days to months, depending on the complexity of the belief being addressed.

For me, the biggest difficulty was realizing at a deep level that most of what I believed as truths were really opinions masquerading as facts. Someone else’s beliefs were the foundation for my reality and to create my own thinking required an evaluation of each thought, especially the emotion-packed ones. And, of course, this takes time.

What is a Tranquility Advisor?

I think of myself as a wise friend, mentor or teacher that enjoys guiding others and imparting life skills for changing a person’s thinking to achieve personal happiness and success. People have been changing and developing their minds for a very long time.

This knowledge I have gathered is from thousands of years old until now. These methods can be taught to anyone; individuals, students, parents, families, couples, employees, groups, etc.

A New Me

Once I learned how to love, my mind became open and I developed the art of discernment as my deep-seated fears vanished. Also, I understood reality more clearly, became quite intuitive and developed a close, loving relationship with my Creator.

Along with this clarity on life and support from The Divinity, I could appreciate and embrace my talents and destiny. There is a destiny given to all human beings for the journey back to God and then there is free will, which gives all life forms the choice of which path to follow.

Being the real Susan has made me very, very happy and humble. I discovered that the more I know, the more I do not know, nor even have the capacity to understand with my limitations as a human being. I, also, realized that life is a precious gift and we are all very blessed to be here on planet Earth.

A Higher Love

Everybody has been created out of the Joy from our Creator’s Love in order for all beings to evolve their souls and return. Life is a wonderful gift that some beings embrace and develop, while others rebel and exercise their free will in a destructive manner.

One step down this path of growth is for human beings to rediscover their real selves and shed the parts of their false selves, so they can stop being in conflict with God, themselves and others. Real love is humble, confident, accepting, giving, compassionate, genuine, wise and forgiving as demonstrated by Jesus Christ.

With this love thinking, inner peace becomes the primary mood and even when negative feelings come, they are only temporary. The whole range of human emotions is still everyone’s experience to facilitate spiritual growth.

A Loving Family

Sometimes the people I have perceived as my enemies are really my family. The misinformation that I received in childhood was constantly being reinforced by these people, and I hated being around them.

Once I learned how to rid myself of these unbeneficial beliefs, I learned to accept and love not only myself but my family, as well. My family has not changed but because I have changed so much, our relationship has turned from barely tolerable to fantastic.

Despite having fantasized many times about changing my family, I discovered that it was not necessary. After gaining inner peace, I now have the self-confidence, clarity and wisdom to realize my limitations (as in I can not control others) and obtain the great experiences (by making good decisions) I had always longed to have with them.

A Loving Partnership

Even after three marriages, I had no frame of reference for a loving partnership. My selection of partners was based mostly on beliefs from my childhood with a few new ideas, like needing something in common.

Gaining inner peace gave me the clarity and understanding to realize that a great relationship is far more than satisfying a need or convenience. A loving partnership starts with an incomprehensible amount of mutual insights that are both surprising and mysterious, like a spiritual experience.

This spiritual relationship then grows into a wondrous adventure of learning and enlightenment traveling through both ups and downs. Beneficial partners develop a great union because they feel compelled to strive for a better and closer loving connection with each other.

Learning About Love

When people arrive in this world, their first experience of love comes from their caretakers. Sometimes a child has enough positive love from one or more caretakers so that he or she has some frame of reference for the confident, wise, compassionate, giving kind of love.

However, since people are influenced more strongly by negativity, this positive love still might not be enough to counter the vain, illusionary, unthinking, selfish kind of love or more likely a mix of the two that most people receive. And when no beneficial example of love is available, then people are really miserable and lost.

No matter what the age, when a person sheds the childhood beliefs that makes one unhappy, a new understanding of love follows. The first person one will learn how to love on the journey to inner peace is him or herself.

Self love is believed to be bad because it is so often mistaken for the vain, ego-driven, selfish, low-self-esteem type of love, which is not love at all. Real self love is confident, accepting, giving, compassionate, genuine, wise and forgiving.

Loving occurs as a consequence of gaining inner peace. When people become their real selves, they no longer hold on to the negative emotions or behave heartlessly out of ignorance.

They have the skills to make beneficial, kind decisions. Then this ability for compassion and love can be extended to everyone, even their enemies.

A Peaceful Self

When people change quickly and extensively enough, they no longer know who they are, how they feel or how they will react. Their history becomes obsolete. They have been born again as the real people they were meant to be, and the pretend selves become just a memory.

However, the real self is an unknown factor and the unfamiliar can be scary, especially with quick change. The key is to go at an acceptable pace or expect to be uncomfortable. Whichever is decided, the desire for change must be present by focusing on the benefits that inner peace will bring.

A peaceful self has great confidence, acceptance, understanding, self-love and joy as internal building blocks. This real self will then create a new life, one filled with success and happiness because when someone’s beliefs change, his or her world changes.

Skills For Peace

The methods I used on how to switch my thinking ranged from thousands of years old to ones having been developed in the last century and can be found in many resources (including my web site). They are general enough to apply for everyone and powerful enough for lasting change.

The secret to using these skills for obtaining happiness was to implement them with the most beneficial thoughts being a conscious choice. As children, integrating information unconsciously and its acceptance as truth is one of humanity’s wonderful innate survival mechanisms.

However, while these integrated beliefs can be very useful as children, they can now become an obstacle to happiness as adults. The key to overriding this misinformation was to frequently repeat the method along with consciously choosing to replace it with specific beneficial thoughts.

It was not difficult to implement, just being mindful of what I thought and why. What took a long time was gaining this information and recognizing the difference between opinion, truth and reality. Just understanding this difference can be a huge relief and bring a certain amount of peace. But when coupled with changing from distressing thoughts to useful ones, this is truly wondrous peace!

Making Peace With The Past

While attending group therapy, I discovered Dr. Burns’ book, Feeling Good, and ended my depression. However, I expected to feel happy over 50 percent of the time and not just in brief sporadic moments.

It still took me over ten more years to find the peace and happiness that permeates my life today. I gathered lots of information for trial and error experiments on myself and reality with a great deal of back and forth progress (or regression). During this emotional upheaval, I focused on learning to change my thinking, discovering truths and what thoughts made me miserable.

The beliefs that made me unhappy usually had a link to my childhood, were typically opinions masquerading as facts and conflicted with who I really am. For example, I knew information that was impossible to know, read people’s minds and communicated with animals. This was not in my parent’s reality and according to them it was defined as “crazy,” which led to my depression and self-hatred.

These unbeneficial viewpoints were not “reality” and could easily be changed when I decided on the most favorable replacement thoughts. These untrue childhood beliefs became one of my realizations for developing the self-empowering methods that I teach on obtaining inner peace.

Reinventing Myself

Most of my life I have spent searching for peace and happiness. This included reinventing myself many, many times with new looks, careers, friends, partners, locations, etc. Mostly I was repeating childhood beliefs and randomly exploring new ideas. Even though I was always working on the internal self, my focus was external. I wanted to see results because I didn't trust or know myself.

After ending my depression and still not happy, I read about a couple of people during WWII in concentration camps. One person described herself as being happy no matter what the circumstances, and the other person found meaning in the horror he witnessed and experienced. Then a realization hit me! Deep, lasting happiness comes from within and this understanding became my first important step towards inner peace.

I’ve since recognized that the path to happiness starts with knowing, accepting and loving myself. This self-love is not the vain, selfish, egotistical kind, but the type of love that provides compassion and understanding as in, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Once I discovered who I was, I then could see my talents and destiny. Life became simple, not perfect or without frustrations, but comprehensive with a wonderful feeling of great joy and inner peace.

New Year's Resolution

Not just at the beginning of the year, but every day I make a "New Year's" resolution to conscientiously choose my decisions. Of course, changes start internally and then we proceed with a plan, at least for a few months. Every year at the gym, I've noticed that January and February are the busiest months. Wanting to change isn't always enough, sometimes we have to understand the "whys" behind it. I exercise for fun, keep my immune system healthy and resolved my fear and anger around weight. However, I still don't want to be height/weight/proportional because I miss my Grandma. She died when I was eight and showed her love through great cooking. This unresolved loss became my food obsession. The experiences we had as children are huge influences in our lives today, whether we acknowledge them or not. Once we understand the "whys," we can utilize skills to change our thinking for conscientious decision making.